i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
