Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize