Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
