Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
