yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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