There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
