You really coming over, don't trick.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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