his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
