I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
