The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'm like, not good at living.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
