just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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