The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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