Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
