she woke up with a sticky ear
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
We had to coat check the pizza.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
