Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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