She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
