im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
