someone threw a dead crab at me
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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