She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
