I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
