May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Less talking, more tequila
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
