I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
