I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
