The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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