i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I am one with the molecules
Drunk is not a location!
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
