I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize