Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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