Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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