Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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