I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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