you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Green mimosas i think yes
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
