I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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