watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
