The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
