There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
