she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
