i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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