everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
