Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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