I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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