I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
