I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
