Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
