If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize