So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
