apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Randomize
