That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
