Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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