My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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