Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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