$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
