he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
