Your face is a jimmy john
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
