Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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