I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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