We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
