i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
