I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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