Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
