I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
