actually, I'm a sock model
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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