that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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