It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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