he shaved USA in his pubs
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
