Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
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