She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
