The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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