I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize