At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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