When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
