I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
