i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
