you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
