So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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