I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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