you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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