come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
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