Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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