70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
