Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
