Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
how does that bad decision feel?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
