She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
