So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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