One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
