How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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